Keep Chewin’ It

Did you know that there are only 9 ingredients in a can of Coke Zero? I know what you’re probably thinking. First, you are probably thinking “wow, I didn’t know that.”  Second, you are probably thinking how lame it is that I am holding a can of Coke Zero.

It is kind of lame, I admit. But in my current state of rapid aging and domestication, I can longer be concerned about drinking questionable products. And it’s still cooler than Diet Coke, I guess. But I digress! The fact of the matter is that two of the 9 ingredients in Coke Zero are absolute revelations!

Here is the actual ingredient list, exactly as it appears on the can:

Carbonated Water, Caramel Color, Phosphoric Acid, Aspartame, Potassium Benzoate (to protect taste), Natural Flavors, Potassium Citrate, Acesulfame Potassium, Caffeine.

The concept of an ingredient named “Natural Flavors” is pretty amazing (a single ingredient that is pluralized, no less). But I’ve actually seen “Natural Flavors” as an ingredient in other products. The real big winner in this list of ingredients is Potassium Benzoate. It comes with a mission statement/explanation!

There’s really not more I can say about this. I just felt like it was really blog-worthy. I often enjoy reading the ridiculously superlative and often nonsensical labels on microbrews and wine. But I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed reading the ingredients of a can of soda.

Thank you Potassium Benzoate. Keep up the good work.

I am a huge Redskins fan, and I also feel really strongly about the importance of a strong work ethic. So, this opinion may be a little surprising to some of you. I am actually really enjoying seeing Albert Haynesworth royally screw over Danny Snyder.

It’s easy to bash Haynesworth, and he deserves all of the contempt and vitriol from Skins fans. It’s impossible to relate to a guy who apparently has no personal or professional integrity. And it is clearly in my best interests as a Skins fan for the team to recoup some value for his roster spot.

But this is a salary cap free season. There is really no team impact from the monies they have paid out to him. It is a financial hit to Danny Snyder, and not really to the salary cap or the fanbase. Obviously, as a fan, I would rather have a productive player in that roster spot than a fat turd who has no interest in playing football. But at least we didn’t give up draft picks to get him.

I would also point out that there are many other players who have taken Danny’s money and returned ineffective and seemingly disinterested results on the field. Deion Sanders comes prominently to mind, but there is a laundry list of others. But no one has done it in such an unabashed and aggressive manner. I mean, at this point Haynesworth is collecting $32 mil for playing 12 games. He cashed a $21 mil bonus check with zero intentions of reporting back to work.

So, as much as I loathe this bum, he still is a much lesser evil than Danny Snyder. I know Haynesworth is a selfish bum with a bloated sense of self-entitlement. And he is clearly not motivated by any higher philosophical purposes in his refusal to fulfill his outlandish contract. But in my personal little worldview, I’m going full crusade on this one.

This is for the obstructed view seating, this is for the pedestrian traffic bans in Raljon, this is for the decade of atrocious personnel management decisions, this is for the slimy business practices, this is for the grandmothers who were sued for season ticket contracts, this is for the nebulous tailgating policy changes and ever-shifting traffic patterns, this is for the price-gouging of the fans, this is for all of the tickets sold by the team to brokers, this is for all of the petty and bastardly interpersonal interactions.

The lil’ tyrant is taking this one on the chin. All long-tortured Skins fans should take a few moments to enjoy watching Danny get publicly railroaded by someone. The impact is really minimal to Skins fans, and he deserves a lot worse than this.

So illegally bulldoze a few more dozen trees from the Chesapeake & Ohio Canal National Historic Park, sit back, and enjoy the view from your Potomac compound.

Last night was a fantastic way to kick off the summer concert season in some incredible weather. We headed up to Merriweather to catch My Morning Jacket. As previously blogged, they had the Preservation Hall Jazz Band opening for them. Both bands delivered the goods and it really was a wonderful time all around.

We had a great crew and, with the warm sunny weather, the tailgating extended a little bit into the Preservation Hall set. But we did manage to get in there for their last 4 or 5 songs, a few of which featured Jim James on vocals. Delivered through a megaphone, no less, which added an old-timey carnival feel. I wish we had caught their entire set, but like I said - we had a good team, good weather, and strong drink…so no real complaints there!

I was curious whether MMJ would acknowledge the Kentucky Derby, since they hail from Louisville. Sure enough, they had a lone trumpeter come onstage and kick off their set with the Kentucky Derby bugle call. Pretty fun way to start things off. The band walked onstage and went immediately into “One Big Holiday.” Zero to 100 mph…a robust set opener for sure!

They really came in hot at the starting of the show, blasting through several of the big guns from their repertoire: “One Big Holiday,” “Gideon,” “Off the Record,” “I’m Amazed,” and “Mahgeetah.” At this point, I was openly making assertions about MMJ being the current great American rock band. I mean, they really bring it in the live show department, and they’re getting to the point where they have a deep song catalog to pick from.

The band sounded great. The sound mix was well-balanced and very clean. Every instrument was coming through and I never once felt like I wished I could hear the bass more or the keyboard more or anything like that. And yes, that is stuff I often think about at shows. But the sound engineer was on point and everything was clean and clear. MMJ has a lot of different facets to their sound, and while they generally “rock out” in the live setting, they are not always just guitar-driven. There is the spacey-ness and the electronic textures and always James’ ethereal vox floating above it all. But when it’s time to rock out, James still straps on the Flying-V and gets after it.

The encore fulfilled my hopes of getting the Preservation Hall Jazz Band to lay down some horn arrangements with the MMJ boys. A massive “Dancefloors” was the centerpiece of the encore, and was really great. This is one of my favorite MMJ tunes, and it is going to be hard now to see it live without the horns. It was big, brassy, and boisterous. And I would have been perfectly fine with that being the last number. But they had one more trick up their sleeves and kept the horns onstage for a romp through “Move on Up” by Curtis Mayfield. Very nice.

Pretty safe to say that everyone was leaving with smiles on their faces as the crowd streamed back outside into the summery night. Good times. If you get a chance to catch this tour, it’s certainly worth catching.

We are taking a small break from the world of changing diapers and heading to Merriweather tomorrow night to see My Morning Jacket. I’m unbelievably psyched for this show and think it’s going to be a great way to kick off the spring. I will try to file some kind of report on the show later this weekend.

One of the most intriguing aspects to me is that they have the legendary Preservation Hall Jazz Band opening for them. This is a rotating lineup of New Orleans jazz musicians who’ve been playing nightly at Preservation Hall in NOLA for decades. They started touring after Katrina and have continued to tour even after Preservation Hall re-opened.

I’m really excited to see their set. And I’m hoping this means that MMJ will have some horn arrangements worked out for their set. Not a bad excuse to get Nana and Pop Pop on babysitting duty and head up to MD for the evening.

Fred Smoot, the locquacious cornerback of the 2000’s-era Washington Redskins, was one of the only consistently entertaining facets of that organization. Sure, he had his problems during his brief stint in Minnesota, but he still held a warm spot in my heart. He was one of the victims of the deep roster cut that Bruce Allen and Mike Shanahan executed on the eve of free agency this year. And while it was the right move from a football standpoint, I am ever reminded why I like Smoot so.

Agent Steinz revealed in the DC Sports Bog yesterday that Smoot plans on giving back to the city of DC by opening a Waffle House. I am a bit beyond the years of being out in the city at odd hours of the night, but this is a total throwback to many an early a.m. visit to the beloved Harrisonburg Waffle House back in my JMU days. I am a huge fan of this move, although I kind of question the uber-trendy location.

So while I probably won’t be visiting this fine establishment in person, I take heart knowing that lots of U Street revelers can now take early morning solace in a Ben’s half smoke or a Waffle House double hash browns all the way. Now if he could just import Ravenna or some of the other classic 90’s Harrisonburg Waffle House staff, he’ll really be cooking.

Godspeed, Mr. Smoot. You will be sorely missed.

The Donovan McNabb trade appears to be the most polarizing personnel move in recent memory for the Redskins. I’m very conflicted about this and it certainly adds a confusing layer of complexity to my Redskins-Eagles tailgate this season. But I guess my overall reaction is that the front office seems to be operating more professionally than any other front office in the wretched Snyder era.

I don’t know what is going on.  It all started when we had 30-somethingish o-linemen come into Redskins Park and leave without record-breaking contracts in hand.  I was pleased.  Not necessarily psyched about the LJ and Fast Willie signings, but we got them on the cheap and any competition for CP is welcome.  At least it will force him to practice.

I also like that they are being fiscally sound in the uncapped year.  They took the uncapped year as a chance to pay out most of Fat Albert’s and MeAngelo’s bonus cash, suddenly making their contracts not so much in the albatross category.  And now they are apparently trying to dump Haynesworth. Snyderrato would have taken this opportunity as a chance to throw record cash at all kinds of mediocre FAs.  And I don’t even have to watch Randle-El return punts next year!

I’m still not sure what to make of the McNabb trade.  It certainly seems like a fair price, assuming he extends for a few years and is productive.  He should be an upgrade at the QB position, and I love that we took him from the Eagles.  Next to Andy Reid, he is the person most familiar with their playbook and personnel from the past decade. And he seems like a decent guy.  And he should be more than fired up for both Eagles games every year.

That being said, I still have a twinge of concern about it.  I’d really like to be in “rebuilding” mode vs “reloading” mode….I’ll be less nervous when I see some kind of young talent infusion on the o-line.  Bottom line, I’d rather be the Eagles from a managerial perspective - a playoff team last year, getting way younger, and loading up on picks in a very deep draft.  I believe that Redskins fans are knowledgeable and patient enough to appreciate building through the draft, continually reloading, and unloading aging vets when they are nearing their expiration date but still have some trade value. Instead, we continue to covet other team’s FAs, get older and continue to completely neglect the draft and trade away picks.  Hopefully they can recoup a 3rd rounder for Campbell, although they don’t seem to have much leverage at this point.

I do feel bad for Campbell.  He has been a class act, has a great work ethic, and has not gotten a fair shake since he’s been here. Those first two attributes are increasingly hard to come by in a professional athlete these days.  But it’s a business, and he can’t say he didn’t see it coming. The organization has been clumsily transparent in its attempts to denigrate him and run him out of town the past few years. I hope he maintains his dignity, films the classiest Eastern Motors commercial possible, and leaves town on a high note. He should strike while his job is still his credit.

In summation, it seems like this was a very good value if we are getting a motivated McNabb who can ball out for us for a solid 4 years. But I’m still jealous of the teams that build through the draft, grow their own talent and value their own players, create a team identity and gather players who fit that mold, and think long-term. Respecting the fanbase and not price-gouging everyone like whores would also be nice.

But there appears to be a level of professionalism around Redskins Park right now that I’m just not accustomed to.  The jury is out on Shanahan and Allen, but things seems to be different than before in the hellish reign of the petite kommissar Snyder. We need to come out of the draft with a solid LT (hopefully Okung) and any and all other o-line help we can get in the draft or FA will be welcome.

Stay tuned….strange days indeed.

Well, Avatar was denied a Best Picture Oscar last night. I did actually see Avatar, and I enjoyed it for the most part. It is definitely groundbreaking in the realm of effects. But I think most people would agree that the technical accomplishments didn’t really merit a Best Picture win. And James Cameron can still rest on his laurels as king of the gross box office earnings world. And he is now undeniably the king of the special effects world as well.

When I left the theater after viewing Avatar 3D (”Real-D”), the first person that crossed my mind was George Lucas. I imagined him slowly getting up from his seat in a private screening room at Skywalker Ranch. He sends James Cameron a congratulatory message and exclaims how impressed he was by the film. He then quietly slips upstairs to one of his private antechambers.

Quietly locking the door behind him, his hand trembles slightly as it leaves the doorknob. He turns fully into the room, gazing upon shelves and shelves of Jar Jar Binks motion-capture suits, models, and conceptual designs. His growing anger is momentarily tempered when he catches sight of the beta version Jar Jar action figure he mutilated after seeing the first footage of Peter Jackson’s CGI Gollum. But then his gaze falls upon a large animation cel from his final post-production Phantom Menace representation of Jar Jar and his anger boils.

The Skywalker ranch hands hear the screams almost immediately, but it takes them several minutes to actually get through the door and pull Lucas off of the pile of destroyed Star Wars prequel special effects memorabilia. Hands bloodied, the quietly sobbing Lucas eventually comes to a restful state.

I’m going through a little bit of Winter Olympics withdrawal at this point.  Say what you will about NBC’s sucky coverage, at least you could flip between a few of their channels and find some action.  My favorite events were ice hockey, snowboard cross, downhill skiing, and curling.  But I need to share a few thoughts on the figure skating.

I understand why figure skating is so popular and is pushed so heavily by the broadcasters.  Most women viewers seem drawn to it, and they are a tv demographic that is sometimes hard to corner.  Figure skating involves subjective scoring-related drama, co-ed pairs, fanciful wardrobes, lends itself to sentimental backstory exposition, and is basically “Dancing with the Stars” on ice.

I don’t know a lot about figure skating, but I have ice skated enough times to appreciate how difficult it is to do what they do.  I mean, I regularly exclaim how impressed I am with how well hockey players can skate.  And they’ve got nothing on the figure skaters.  But the best thing about figure skating is the aforementioned pageantry.

Music and outfits seem to be almost as important as landing a jump.  My favorite outfits were the German pair that had some kind of clown theme going on (complete with painted teardrops under their eyes).  I also really liked the effeminate lumberjack.  I think he was French, but had “defected” to Italy because he couldn’t crack the French figure skating rotation.  But the United States’ own Johnny Weir really takes things to a higher level.

In a moment that could have been lifted directly from the Will Ferrell template comedy “Blades of Glory,” Johnny Weir emerged on the ice in a black sequined suit with hot pink ruffles and laces tied down in various areas.  The announcers mentioned, with admiration, how Johnny designs his own outfits.  Hell yes he does.

There was also a groundswell of controversy around Weir due to his bitchy showdown with PETA and the launch of his own reality series on Sundance.  The latter appears to be the most flamboyant and groundbreaking reality series this side of Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.

That’s cool, I guess.  But when is a real Olympic hero going to get a reality show?  Maybe Bruce Jenner is available.

I’m not sure I’m satisfied with the snow puns that have been adopted to describe the current situation here in the DC metro area.  The leaders in the clubhouse seem to be “Snowmageddon,” “Snopacalypse,” and “Snoverkill.”  With honorable mention to “Snovechkin,” I think we can come up with something better.

I’ve been tossing around vaguely lame ones like “Snobody,” “Snoholdsbarred,” “Snotorious B.I.G.,” “Snobody’s Fool,” etc.  KJ dropped “Snonuff” on me, which is my personal favorite.  Yep…I think this household is going to rock with “Snonuff.”

We are really lucky in that we haven’t lost our power during this whole onslaught, aside from 4 or 5 instances of minor outages that come back on after 5 or 10 minutes.  I’m hoping that holds up for the rest of the storm.  And I hope those people who’ve lost power get it restored as quickly as possible.

This whole experience has been pretty exciting.  Definitely something a person remembers for the rest of their life.  It also reminded me of one of my all-time favorite Simpsons episodes, where Homer and Monty Burns are buried in a cabin during an avalanche.  “Ah…206 bones, 50 miles of small intestine, full, pouting lips.  Why, this fellow is less a snowman than a god!”

Upon additional consideration, I probably should add that we are really just hoping that our new family member does not decide to arrive in the next 48 hours.  Although I will be ready to dig out and get to the hospital if that is the case.  Snowbody puts baby in the corner.

Stay safe and warm out there!  And remember this piece of sage advice.

So apparently CBS didn’t sell much advertising space for last night’s Super Bowl.  They took this as an opportunity to cram as many ads for CBS tv shows down our throats as possible.  It seemed like every other ad was a promo for some CBS show that I’d never heard of (or at least never watched).

Here are the basic concepts I gleaned from the glut of CBS tv ads:

• 90% of their programming is made up of crime dramas, most of which are geographically specific (i.e. CSI: NY; NCIS: Miami; NCIS: LL Cool J; Criminal Minds: Fresno; ad nauseum
• The other 10% of their programming consists of Charlie Sheen’s Two Men & A Kid and a show about Shelden (a loveable geek!)

The Shelden ads were my favorite.  They seemed to be hell-bent on establishing this character as a household name.  They were particularly forcing the issue when Shelden climbed out of a graphic and said something about hacking his way into the Super Bowl.  And then Phil Simms playfully shrugged and delivered some canned line to the effect of “That’s our Shelden!”  Awesome job, CBS!

Also, Survivor is apparently still aired.  Who knew?  I thought it had just been superceded by Real World Road Rules Challenges.  I would be remiss not to mention that MTV needs to get the ball rolling on integrating its Jersey Shore characters into those RW/RR Challenges.  Bunim-Murray: Strike while the iron is hot!

Oh yeah, and congrats to the Saints!  It was nice to see one of the perenially downtrodden franchises (and basically forsaken cities) get something to cheer about.  I still haven’t been back post-Katrina, but everyone tells me it is still in rough shape down there.  So hopefully this is a pleasant distraction for a while.

Back when Gibbs v2.0 was entering year 3 here in the DMV, I was really hoping we’d cut bait with our QB situation and sign Drew Brees.  But I don’t think the Skins even considered him.  They were already all-in with Brunell at QB (a defining choice of the second Gibbs era) and had pre-emptively traded up in a clumsily telegraphed move to get Campbell.  Pretty odd that both Brees and Brunell got SB rings last night.  And Chase Daniel, for what it’s worth.